What Would You Do For A Million Gold Nobles?
by Eviljellybobs
Summary: What Would You Do For A Million Gold Nobles? Read this and find out what the inhabitants of Tortall would do (or are forced to do) for a million gold nobles. A collab story. Pleeeeze read and review, we love reviews. Rated for language and stuff. Ch 3 up!
1. Episode 1

^*^ BLANK SCREEN ^*^ ^

^A tree appears wearing a giant sign that says Tristan in giant black letters. He opens his mouth and starts to sing ^ 

The tree (otherwise known as Tristan): Two servant girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside. Two servant girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside. Guess who's back, back again. Tristan's back, to kill a friend. Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back. Guess who's back. I've turned into a monster, cuz no one wants to see Tristan no more. They see a tree, I'm chopped liver. Well if you see a tree, this is what I'll give ya. A-

^ Suddenly, a black haired person appears and whacks the tree over and over. There is a muffled singing sound underneath the whacking sounds. Soon, the tree is seen to run off and the person appears in the center of the screen ^

Arialyn (the black haired girl): Hello everyone, welcome to today's episode of What Would You Do For A Million Gold Nobles?

^ A blonde girl appears ^ 

The blonde girl: We're your hosts, Loriana and Arialyn ^points to the black haired girl^

Arialyn: Unfortunately, our theme song for today's episode was cut short due to the inadequateness of the singer who has been fired. *mutters* and who will have a fun time as the next candidate for my pyro experiments.

Loriana: ^gives her co-host a funny look^ Anyways, on our show today, we have guests Sir Raoul of Goldenlake and Sir Gareth the Younger of Naxen.

^ Raoul and Gary appear with a popping sound and loud thumps as they land on the ground ^

Raoul: ^looks appalled^ What in Mithros' name is going on?

Gary: Awww, fuck!

Arialyn: Hello, Raoul and Gary welcome to What Would You Do For A Million Gold Nobles?

Raoul: ^starts backing away^ Who in Mithros' name are you?

Gary: How do you know our names?

Loriana: ^grins^ Oh, we know, we know all.

Arialyn: ^now she gives her co-host a funny look^ Ok. Anyways, we are the hosts of What Would You Do For A Million Gold Nobles? And you two have been chosen to be our first contestants.

Gary: A million gold nobles? What do we have to do?

Raoul: In Mithros' name, what kind of a joke is this?

Loriana: ^glares at Raoul^ Shut the hell up or die. ^turns to Gary^ It's a simple game, we pick a thing for you two to do and if you do it, you have the chance to win a million gold nobles.

Raoul: And what if we don't agree to do the "thing"?

Arialyn: *mutters* thank god he stopped saying "in Mithros' name".

Loriana: ^smirks evilly at Raoul^ If you don't do what we say, we get to keep you. ^smirks more evilly, if possible^ And, believe me, we will have lots of fun.

^ Gary decides that he does not like the idea of being in the game show and reaches for his non-existent sword ^

Gary: ^looking where his sword should be^ Wha? Where's my sword?

Arialyn: Well, since this is our show, we can do what we want and we don't think that you need a sword. And no, ^glares at Loriana^, we will not keep you and play with you if you don't do what we say.

Loriana: Awww, pleeeeaaaase?

Arialyn: No! That's too boring. ^grins evilly^ If you don't do what we say, you'll get to be licked to death by stormwings.

Raoul: In Mithros' name, what kind of a punishment is that?

Arialyn: Shut up with the Mithros!

Loriana: ^in some sort of trance^ STORMWINGS!!!

Arialyn: Oh, great Mithros, no, not again.

Raoul: See? Mithros!

Gary: Shut up!

Arialyn: ^walks over to Loriana, whacks her on the head^ Hello? Loriana? Come back to wherever the hell we are, you can dream about stormwings later.

Loriana: ^pouts^ Awww. Fine. Oh yeah, we need to tell everyone what Raoul and Gary get to do.

Arialyn: Oh! Right.

^ Raoul and Gary have looks of horror as an envelope appears in front of Arialyn ^

Loriana: ^reaches for envelope^ I wanna open it!

Arialyn: ^grabs envelope^ No! Mine!

Loriana: Ne!

Arialyn: Nia!

Gary: *whispering* Maybe, if we're quiet we can sneak away.

^ Raoul and Gary creep towards one side of the room, then another, and then another ^

Loriana: ^turns^ You know, it's kinda hard to leave when there is no door.

Arialyn: Ha! I got the envelope!

Loriana: Damn it to hell! ^glowers^

Raoul: ^kneels on the floor, looking up^ Oh, great Mithros, please, I beg you h-

Arialyn: SHUT UP!!!

^ Gary and Raoul watch with fearful faces as she opens the envelope ^

Arialyn: ^reads the paper^ Oh, this is good.

Loriana: ^leans towards the paper^ What? I wanna see.

^ Arialyn stands up on a chair^ 

Arialyn: Raoul and Gary, you get play a fun game of Tragic Lovers in the Woods. Be-

^ Raoul faints away ^

Gary: Fuck! Now look what you did. ^scrambles around Raoul's pockets^ Where does he keep his smelling salts?

Arialyn: Smelling salts? Oh, ^laughs^ holy ^laughs^ Mithros. ^falls on floor laughing^

Loriana: ^turns to face the audience^ Anyways, while we take some time to recover Sir Raoul, here are some important messages.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Loriana: All readers must remember that all of these characters that you recognize belong to the Great Mother Goddess Tamora Pierce and Tamora Pierce only.

Arialyn: So don't sue us. Even if we offend anyone, that's your fucking problem. Ha ha.

Loriana: ^whaps her^ Shut up!

Arialyn: Oh yeah, we have been told to make it known that no contestants will or can be harmed in any way.

Loriana: ^grins^ Only physically of course. We cannot be responsible for the many mental and emotional wounds that will be inflicted.

Raoul (from the floor): Great, that's a relief.

Arialyn: I thought you fainted.

Raoul: ^gets up^ Not really, I was just pretending. Now, I shall FLY AWAY!!!

Loriana: ^looks at him funny^ Ok.

Arialyn: Well, since you're conscious, we should get back to the show.

Gary: NOOOOOOO!!!

Loriana: Oh yeah, and thanks to our sponsors and all the drunk rich people.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Arialyn: As I was saying, Raoul and Gary, the lucky contestants, get to play a fun game of tragic lovers in the woods.

Loriana: ^grins^ Being chased by various immortals of course.

Gary: WHAT!?!

Arialyn: ^looks thoughtful^ Now comes the hard part, who gets to wear the dress?

Raoul: In Mithros' name, please not me!

Gary: ^points at Raoul^ Him! Him! Please let it be him.

Raoul: No! He's the one who actually looks good in a dress.

^ Everyone looks at Gary funny ^

Loriana: Okkkkkkkk. And what have you been up to lately Sir Gary?

Gary: ^backs away^ Nothing, I swear.

^ Everyone glares at him ^

Gary: Well, you can't say you haven't been curious too.

Arialyn: Ok, since Gary has already tried it, I guess Raoul needs a new experience too.

Raoul: No! HEEEELLLLLPPP!!!!!!!

^ Raoul runs around in circles with no place to go and then is suddenly dressed in a mahogany gown ^

Gary: ^whistles^ Gods, Raoul, red is really your color.

Arialyn: ^looks at both of them funny^ Ok. Now to the fun part.

^ There is a popping sound and everyone is in the woods ^

Loriana: Now play Tragic Lovers in the Woods.

Raoul: No!!

Gary: ^eyes Raoul with a weird look on his face^ Well, I guess we should begin.

Raoul: Great Mithros, shut up!

^ Gary grabs Raoul in a crushing embrace ^

Gary: Oh, my beloved Raoul, how I have missed you.

Raoul: ^tries to back away but can't^ Fine. Well, um, yeah, Gary I have missed you too. I think? ^turns to the hosts questioningly^

Arialyn: Good, now keep playing.

Gary: Oh, how beautiful you look tonight, my dear.

Raoul: ^suddenly decides he likes the game and gets a funny look in his eyes too^ Yes, why thank you. You look wonderful too, my lovely handsome, um, person.

Loriana: Oh, can I bring the immortals yet?

Arialyn: No! They have to get to know each other better.

Raoul: Oh, yes, my love, I do wish to _get to know you better_.

Gary: Well, let us go then.

^ Gary lifts Raoul into his arms, and they run away into a bush ^

^ A raccoon comes out and bites them, so they try another bush ^

^*^Loud manly moaning noises are heard ^*^

Gary: Oh, Raoul, lower, lower.

Raoul: OH! I FOUND SOMETHING SHINY!!!

Gary: Hey, we can put that to use.

^ Arialyn falls to the ground laughing and Loriana turns a funny shade of red, kind of like Raoul's dress that he does not have on ^

Loriana: And now.^a drum roll is heard^ The immortals!!!

^*^BOOM!^*^

^ Many various immortals appear ^

Loriana: OH! STORMWINGS!!! ^grabs a stormwing and runs off into a bush^

^ Many ^*^Ka-thunks^*^are heard ^

Arialyn: Ok, while the rest of the immortals can chase the, um, lovers.

Gary: What the hell?

Raoul: In Mithros' name, I didn't get to use the shiny thing!

Gary: SHUT UP, FUCKER! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!

Raoul: B-but, my dress. Where is it?

^ Gary and Raoul leave the bush and run from the creatures butt naked ^

Gary: ^turns to Raoul^ My love? *pants* Have I ever told you how *pants* lovely you look with no clothes on?

Raoul: *pant* ^looks down^ I'm fat!

^ Gary stops as he notices that the immortals chasing them are gone ^

Gary: Hey! ^looks around^ They left!

Raoul: Who cares? I'm getting too fat to run anyways.

Gary: You're not fat, just well built. Anyways, I like my women, er, men, plump.

Raoul: No you don't!

Gary: True, but I like you, don't I?

Raoul: So I'm fat?

^ Suddenly, the immortals appear from in the trees and surround Gary and Raoul ^ Spidren: But where are their clothes? I only came to tear off their clothes and hear them scream.

Flesh-eating Unicorn: Speak for yourself. ^goes over to Gary and Raoul and starts to dance around them wiggling his ears^

Gary: Oh, Raoul! Save me!

Raoul: Shut up! You're supposed to be the man. Anyways, I'm too *sob* fat! ^bursts out in tears^

Darking: ^bounces^

Arialyn: Awwww, a darking! ^grabs darking and hugs it^ I love darkings!

Griffin: CAWWWWWW!!!!

Wyvern: Hey! I can do that too! CAWWWWW!!!

Basilisk: I see all! I know all!

Coldfang: Shut up before I freeze you all to death.

Raoul: *sob* Just because I'm fat doesn't mean you can tell me to shut up.

Coldfang: You're not fat, compared to others I've seen, you're a stick.

Raoul: ^raises his head^ Really?

Coldfang: No.

Gary: Wow, we're still alive. Thank holy Mithros!

Loriana: Shut up before I kill you!

Coldfang: If you want, I could freeze your fat off. Or bite it off. Can I bite you?

Raoul: What?

Gary: He's mine! All mine, you hear?

Coldfang: Fine. You don't have to be so touchy.

Raoul: So you do love me? Even thought I'm fat?

Gary: Yes, I will always love you, no matter how much you weigh. Gods, I'd even love you if you turned into a giraffe.

Raoul: What's a giraffe?

Gary: I dunno.

Coldfang: Can I bite a giraffe? 

^ Raoul grabs Gary ^

Raoul: Oh, come here, you wonderful, wonderful person. 

^ Gary and Raoul start to get it on ^ 

Wyvern: I'm out of here. 

Spidren: ^walking away^ But where are all the pretty clothes?

^ All the immortals leave, disgusted by the two humans on the forest floor ^

Arialyn: Well, that's all folks.

Loriana: That's our first episode of What Would You Do For A Million Gold Nobles? Hope you liked it!

Raoul:*from on the floor* But what about out million gold nobles?

Arialyn: ^smiles nervously at audience^ That's all. Bye!

^*^Black screen^*^

Raoul: Can I at least keep the dress?  
  
  
  
ARIALYN'S RANDOM MORAL OF THE DAY- "Don't talk to plants, it makes u feel stupid"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* K, that's the first chapter. *pokes Loriana* Your turn. Review peoples. Oh, yeah, thank you Robin for the shiny idea. I love reviews. I love darkings. May Joren rest in peace and burn in hell. BYE!!!! 


	2. Episode 2

^*^BLANK SCREEN^*^

^A man dressed in really loose pants and a white tank with tons of gold and silver chains around his neck and a bandana tied around his head appears and starts to rap, really, _really_ badly^

The man (otherwise known as Marek Swiftknife): Hot in... So hot in herre...  
so hot in.....I was like, good gracious ass bodacious. Flirtatious, tryin to show patience. Lookin for the right time to shoot my st... 

^Suddenly a blonde girl appears with a long black staff in her right hand. Marek stops rapping, and looks at her in fear. She points the staff at him and there is a flash of green light. When the light fades, Marek is gone and the blonde girl is standing in the middle of the screen, smiling evilly)

Loriana: *muttering to herself* Gods I really hate that song... ^notices audience and smiles^ Hello everyone, and welcome to today's episode of What Would You Do For A Million Gold Nobles?

^A black haired girl appears^

Arialyn: We're your hosts, Loriana and Arialyn... wait a minute, why does your name come first?

Loriana: Because I'm older, that's why.

Arialyn: So what? I came up with this game show, I should be first!

Loriana: Anyways... unfortunately, once again, our theme song was cut short due to the singer's inadequateness, and lack of fashion sense. He has been sent to a place where his singing will be truly appreciated.

^Camera pans to a cage holding Marek and a stormwing in what looks like a torture chamber.^

Arialyn: ^notices the staff in Loriana's hand^ Where did you get that staff? It's pretty.

Loriana: ^guilty look^ Nowhere

Arialyn: ^sighs^ Did you steal it again? Whose is it this time?

Loriana: ^really guilty look^ *mutters* Saruman's

Arialyn: ^whacks her co-host upside the head^ That's not even our continuum! You are only supposed to be in Tortall, not Middle-Earth! Return it now or we'll both be fired!

Loriana: ^grumbles and throws the staff backstage^ Yes Arialyn.

^There is a flash of white light^

Arialyn: Anyways, today's guests on our show are none other than Queen Thayet of Conte and George Cooper, Baron of Pirate's Swoop.

^Thayet and George appear with popping sounds and land in a pile on the floor at the hosts' feet^

Thayet: ^looks confused^ What the... where am I?

Loriana: ^cheesy game show host voice and grin^ I'm glad you asked that Thayet! Welcome to What Would You Do For A Million Gold Nobles?

Arialyn: ^gives her co-host a funny look^ Oooooooooooook...

George: ^starts to back away slowly^ Why in Mithros' name am I here?

Arialyn: ^buries her face in her hands^ Not again, please gods, not again.

Loriana: ^pats her co-host's shoulder sympathetically^ There, there. Raoul isn't here any more. You'll be ok.

Thayet: Raoul? What? ^a look of realization comes over her face and is quickly replaced by fear^ Oh, no! It's you... Those horrible young women who forced Gary and Raoul to do bad things to each other...

Arialyn: ^interrupting Thayet with a thoughtful look on her face^ Actually they looked like they rather enjoyed it...

Loriana: ^thwaps her co-host^ Shut up! You're only frightening them more.

George: ^looks interested^ What exactly did they do to each other?

^Everyone gives George a funny look, and Thayet begins to back away from him^

George: What? I was only asking...

Arialyn: Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure you were *cough*pervert*cough*

Thayet and George: ^confused look^ I don't get it.

Loriana: *mutters* It figures.

Arialyn: Anyways, you are the second contestants for the million gold nobles, since our first contestants were too *cough* preoccupied to claim their prize.

George: I wonder what they were doing...

Arialyn, Loriana, and Thayet: SHUT UP!

Arialyn: As I was saying you are the second contestants, and if you successfully perform them task we have given you, you will receive the million gold nobles.

Thayet: What if we refuse to do the task?

Loriana: ^grins evilly^ Then we get to keep you, and we'll have lots of _fun_.

^Thayet looks like she's about to faint, but George looks vaguely interested^

Arialyn: No, we will **_NOT_** ^shoots a death glare at Loriana^ keep you if you fail to perform the task.

Loriana: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

Arialyn: No!

Loriana: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

Arialyn: No!

George: *whispering to Thayet* Do you think we'll be able to escape?

Thayet: *whispering* I don't think so, this room has no doors.

George: Damn it! Damn it to hell!

Thayet: ^looks at George funny^ Are you ok?

Loriana: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

Arialyn: No!

Loriana: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

Arialyn: No!

Loriana: Can I at least keep George?

Arialyn: Well, all right, but only because I don't really like him.

Loriana: ^grinning like a five-year-old who has just been given a lollipop^ Yippee!!!!!!!

^The hosts notice that George and Thayet are staring at them funny^

Arialyn: Oh, yeah, we still have to tell them what to do.

Thayet: Do you really have to?

Loriana: Yes, yes we do.

Thayet: Fuck!

^Everyone stares at Thayet in surprise^

Arialyn: Such strong language your highness! I would have expected better manners from a queen!

Loriana: You know we still need the envelope.

Arialyn: Oh yeah, we do...

^Loriana and Arialyn stand waiting for about five minutes, and at the end of them Loriana is getting pretty ticked off^

Loriana: You know it would be really good if we _HAD THE FUCKING ENVELOPE_!

Arialyn: Calm down, you are frightening the audience.

^An extremely frightened Marek with an envelope in his hand appears in the room. He runs over to Loriana^

Marek: ^shaking in fear^ Here you are your ladyship.

Loriana: ^snatches the envelope^ That's better. Marek the envelope boy everyone.

^Marek disappears after bowing^

George: ^confused look^ What is Marek doing here? I thought he was in Corus.

Arialyn: ^ ignores George and looks at Loriana skeptically^ Your ladyship?

Loriana: I like having some respect from my captives. You could have done the same with Tristan, but instead you set fire to him.

Arialyn: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just give me the envelope.

Loriana: No! You opened it last time. It's my turn!

Arialyn: Like hell it is! I'm the envelope opener!

Loriana: No you aren't!

Arialyn: Yes I am!

Loriana: No... Hey is that a darking?

Arialyn: WHERE!?

Loriana: ^opens envelope^ Sucker.

Arialyn: Damn it!

Loriana: ^reads card^ Oh this is great!

Arialyn: What is it? Come on, let me see. Please?

Loriana: ^clears her throat^ Thayet and George, you get to tattoo each other, anywhere from the neck down, ^holds up a handful of magic markers^ with these markers. *mutters* Because someone made the stupid rule that we can't physically harm any of the characters.

Thayet: WHAT?!

George: ^grinning^ I think I like this game!

^Everyone stares at George funny, and Thayet looks as if she is going to faint. Various coughs of pervert can be heard from backstage^

Arialyn: That's it? It's not nearly as good as tragic lovers in the woods, being chased by various immortals.

^George and Thayet pale visibly^

Loriana: What do you want me to add? There isn't much else we can do, is there?

Arialyn: ^gets funny look in her eyes^ Well...

^Loriana and Arialyn whisper to each other and get evil looks in their eyes^

Thayet: What are you going to do to us?

George: *whimper*

Loriana: You'll see, you'll all see! Bwahahahahahahahaha!!! 

^Everyone stares at Loriana funny, and an anime-esque sweat drop appears on her forehead^

Arialyn: Okkkkkkkk...

Loriana: Ahem... Anyways, here are your markers, start tattooing! ^hands George and Thayet markers, George smiles funny and looks at Thayet weird^

Thayet: Can't I just tattoo myself?

Arialyn and Loriana: No.

Thayet: Why?

Arialyn: It wouldn't be as fun for us if you just tattooed yourself, now would it?

Chorus of voices: No, it wouldn't!

^George, Thayet, Loriana, and Arialyn look around for where the voices came from^

Loriana: That was... umm... interesting?

Arialyn: Yeah, it was...

Loriana: Anyway, back to the tattoos!

Thayet: Noooooooooooo!

George: Yes!

Thayet: I thought you loved Alanna, not me!

George: I do love Alanna, but what kind of guy would pass up an opportunity to see a woman half-naked?

Loriana: He has a point...

Arialyn: What if they guy was gay?

Loriana: She has a point...

Thayet: But you should stay faithful to your spouse!

Loriana: She has a p...

Everyone except Loriana: SHUT UP!

Arialyn: ^very irritated^ Ok, we need to get back on topic. Thayet, nobody gives a damn about staying faithful to your spouse, so just let George tattoo you ok?

Thayet: ^meekly^ Ok.

Loriana: ^rubs her hands together, grinning evilly^ This is gonna be good.

^There is a loud ^*^BANG!^*^ and the spidren from the first chapter appears^

Spidren: Ooooh, pretty clothes!!!

^The spidren proceeds to rip Thayet and George's clothing off until they are wearing absolutely nothing^

Thayet: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

George: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa... ^sees Thayet^ *whistles* Hey, Thayet, looking good!

Thayet: ^looks down at herself and blushes, trying to cover herself with her arms^ Shut up you per... ^sees George^ Well, I know why Alanna married you, George.

^Arialyn is rolling on the ground laughing, and Loriana is covering her face with one hand^

Loriana: *muttering* Why do none of these plans work out the way they are supposed to?

Arialyn: ^standing up but still laughing^ Ok... hehe...Th-thayet... giggle... and George... hahaha... st-start t-tattooing... hehehe... each other... hahaha!!!!

^*^Giggles and moans are heard from Thayet and George^*^

Spidren: What are they doing to each other?

Loriana: Oh, dammit! I forgot to send the spidren back!

^*^BANG^*^

^The spidren disappears^

Arialyn: I don't think they are tattooing each other.

Loriana: No, really?

Arialyn: This reminds me of tragic lovers in the woods, actually...

^The hosts get evil glints in their eyes and grin like madwomen^

^*^POOF^*^

Loriana: I always wondered what the seashore was like at this time of year...

George: What the hell? Where are we now?

Big huge angry monster seal: GRRRRRRRRRR... BARK! BARK! BARK!

Thayet: Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Save me George!

George: Forget you! I'm saving myself!

Thayet: Get back here you motherfucking son of a bitch!

George: Hey, leave my mother out of this!

^A naked George runs past, followed by an extremely angry (also naked) Thayet, who is followed by a huge bull seal snapping at her heals^

Arialyn: ^takes a sip of a tropical fruit drink of your choice^ What a great show.

Loriana: ^rings a little bell^ Oh, juice boy!

^Marek appears holding a tray of tropical fruit drinks^

Loriana: ^takes a drink^ Thank you, now run along!

Arialyn: You really enjoy enslaving characters don't you?

Loriana: Yes.

Arialyn: ^gives her co-host a funny look^ Riiiiiiiiiiiiight...

^*^BEEEP!^*^

Loriana: Damn, the show is over.

^Suddenly, George, Thayet, Loriana, and Arialyn are back in the room^

Arialyn: Well folks, that's the end of the show.

Loriana: Thanks for watching, and tune in some other time for our third episode.

George: Owwwww. Why am I in so much pain?

Thayet: Shut up!

Arialyn and Loriana: Bye!!

^*^BLANK SCREEN^*^

Thayet: Hey, what about me? How am I going to get home? Can anyone hear me? Hello?

LORIANA'S RANDOM SAYING OF THE DAY- "If you give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day, but if you teach a man to fish, he'll get a hook in his eye or something."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ok, that's the second chapter. *Pokes Arialyn* It's your turn. Please review, I love reviews, even flames. I also love stormwings and Numair and Rikash and Liam and... Ok I'll stop now. Bye!


	3. Episode 3

^*^BLANK SCREEN^*^

^Arialyn's face shows up in the screen all of a sudden ^

Arialyn: Hello! Welcome to today's episode of What Would You Do For A Million Gold Nobles?

^*^ A big silence ^*^

Arialyn: Yes, I know what you are all thinking, where's the theme song singer? Unfortunately, by order of "higher powers", we have been informed that our frequent killing of the singers encourages too much violence. So, today, we will not be having a guest singer.

A random person: Fuck you!

Arialyn: Uh, anyways, instead of a guest singer, I will be singing the song today. Bu-

Audience: We want guest person! We want guest person!

^A riot begins in the audience^

Arialyn: People, please.

^ More rioting ^

Arialyn: HELLO?

^ People start breaking chairs and yelling random things ^

Arialyn: *now yelling* EVEYONE SHUT THE FUCKING HELL UP AND SIT DOWN!!!!

^ Everyone obeys ^

Arialyn: That's better. I just love me. Don't we all love me? Anyways, as I was saying, instead of a guest singer, we have a real treat, a guest dancer. She, yes it's a she, will attempt to dance while I sing the song and since she won't sing, we can kill her all we want. ^grins^

^ Everyone cheers ^

Arialyn: And here she is...

^ Delia suddenly appears, looking very slutty and bewildered ^

Delia: Where in the Black God's realms am I?

Arialyn: You're not in the Black God's realms.

Delia: Yes, I am, I'm dead.

Arialyn: So?

Delia: So I'm dead.

Arialyn: Good job, you're dead. Just shut up and dance already, we don't have all day, actually, we do, but that's ok. Hey! That rhymes! ^laughs^

Delia: ^stares at her funny^ Ok.

Arialyn: Shut up, slut.

Delia: I'm not a slut.

Arialyn: Yes, you are.

Delia: Whatever.

Arialyn: Anyways, back to our song. ^points to Delia^ You, dance while I sing.

Delia: What?

Arialyn: Dance, you know, like you, dance.

Delia: Why should I dance?

Arialyn: Because if you don't, I will steal you soul and torture it for eternity.

Delia: Oh, fine, I'll dance.

Arialyn: Good, let us begin.

Delia: Begin what?

Arialyn: Oh! Just dance already.

Delia: Fine!

^There is a popping sound as Delia suddenly appears alone in a blank room, dressed up in a pink bunny outfit^

^Arialyn starts singing from some place^

Arialyn: *stage whisper* This is a song about a girl named Delia.

Delia: What!?!

Arialyn: Just dance! Anyways, back to the song. *stage whisper* This is a song about a girl named Delia.

^ Delia scowls and does some sort of an attempt at a waltz ^

Arialyn: Isn't she fucky? That damn, little bitch. They say, she's so fucky, she's a whore. And she cry, cry, cries, when you sleep with her, thinking-

Delia: Hey! I am not a whore!

Arialyn: Yes, you are.

Delia: No, I'm not. ^ she flicks Arialyn off ^

Arialyn: What? That was not nice.

^ They appear in the studio for the show ^

Arialyn: ^gets out an empty vial^ Oh, you are going to pay.

Delia: How? I'm already dead.

Arialyn: I'll take your soul. ^takes Delia's soul, puts it into the vial and sets the vial above a candle^ Now your soul shall be tormented forever.

^ Delia screams and turns into a coconut ^

^ Loriana suddenly appears ^

Arialyn: Well, look who's late.

Loriana: Hey, you're late too sometimes. ^turns to look at Delia^ Why is there a coconut on the floor?

Arialyn: See? Look what you missed.

Loriana: Can we eat it?

Arialyn: Why would you want to eat it?

Loriana: I don't know, just wondering.

Arialyn: Ok. Anyways, back to our show.

Loriana: Oh yeah. For our guests today, we have Sir Lady Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau, yep, it's the Lioness herself.

^ Alanna appears all of a sudden, still embracing George who appeared with her also ^

Alanna: Where the fuck are we?

George: Yes, my dear, I would love to know that, but it can wait. ^he leans down and starts kissing her^

Arialyn: Ooook. Before this turns into a lovely episode of watch George make out with Alanna, we would like to introduce our other contestant for today.

Loriana: Drum roll please.

^*^ Big, loud bangs, which somehow sound oddly like many things crashing to the floor, are heard and then some random whistles ^*^

Arialyn: Well, close enough.

Loriana: Anyways, the next contestant.

Arialyn: *in a loud, happy, watch me be one of those scary game show host people voice* None other than Liam Ironarm, also known as the Shang Dragon.

^ Liam suddenly appears ^

Alanna: ^runs over to Liam^ Liam! Oh, I've missed you!

Liam: ^hugs her many times, and then some more^ Oh, Alanna! I missed you too. I thought I would never see you again, I was going to run off and stalk you.

Alanna: Liam, I've so glad you're back. Ever since you died, I've dreamed of you and the lovely nights we spent together. I love you, Liam!

Liam: I love you, too.

George: Wait! Alanna, I thought you loved me.

Alanna: You! Who could ever love you? Bah! It was the only choice I had left. And plus I like the way the name sounds, Alanna of Pirate's Swoop. ^flings her arms into the air as she says 'swoop'^ I think that the 'swoop' really adds to the effect, don't you?

George: You said you loved me. I loved you. ^tears well up in his eyes^

Liam: ^rolls his eyes^ Yeah, like anyone could ever love you.

George: ^glares at Liam^ But I love her more than you.

Liam: So? I can love her better than you.

Loriana: Ok, we did not need to hear that.

^ George runs over to Alanna and hugs her knees ^

George: Alanna, tell me you still love me. I love you, and I will do so until forever.

Alanna: I never loved you. Now go away.

George: B-b-but, I thought I was your special little fishy.

Alanna: Well, I like this fishy ^points thumb at Liam^ better.

George: But he's dead. He's a dead fishy.

Liam: Oh, shut up, you big baby. I may be dead but I'm still better than you.

Alanna: Yes, and anyways, dead fish taste very good.

Arialyn: ^interrupts hastily^ Speaking of tasting people, Alanna and Liam, for today's show, you will get to do exactly that.

Loriana: What? Hey! How do you know what they're doing today?

Arialyn: Well, see, I got impatient and read what they're supposed to do.

Loriana: What?!

Arialyn: That's what you get for being late. And, you opened it last time.

Loriana: So? You opened it the first time.

Arialyn: Hey! That reminds me. ^turns to the camera^ Welcome to today's episode of What Would You Do For A Million Gold Nobles? We're your hosts, Arialyn and Loriana.

Loriana: Ooooook.

Arialyn: Ha! My name was first, I win. I am the queen of the world and all shall grovel beneath the crumbs of society.

Loriana: Like I said, ooooooook.

^ Meanwhile, Liam and Alanna are making out and George is off on the side sobbing ^

Arialyn: ^notices Alanna and Liam^ Hey! You can't do that till later in the show.

Loriana: What are they doing, eating each other?

Liam: Oh, Alanna, you are just so sexy I would love to eat you up.

Alanna: And you, my dear, are just so sexy that I want to bite you many times.

Liam: You are so tantalizing that I want to kill you and suck your blood.

^ Everyone stares at him ^

Liam: *meekly* Or not.

George: Oh, Alanna, how could you do this? Leaving me for, for this dead guy who enjoys eating people.

Alanna: He didn't mean it, dumb ass. Anyways, you're the one who was pleasuring Thayet.

George: But we weren't doing anything, we were just tattooing each other.

Alanna: Yeah, so that explains why she kept winking at you and making odd references to the ocean turning her on.

George: No, I think she thought I was the seal. He was a very talented, you know.

Loriana: ^gets a very disgusted look on her face^ Oh, god, I am never getting near the ocean or any seals ever again.

Arialyn: Ok, George, I think you should go back to where you came from now, you and Alanna can discuss seals later.

George: No! Don't send me back, the little birds are after me, they'll tear my wig off. They're after me! Save me!

Loriana: Well, someone has some problems here.

Arialyn: ^waves hand in air^ ME!!!

Loriana: No, I meant other than you and everyone here except for George.

George: Please, don't send me back. Or, if you must, at least send me back as someone else. Or, even a tree. Better yet, a nice soft rock, so if there are any wandering maidens, they may rest upon me and I can comfort them with my gentle hands.

Arialyn: Oh gods, that was more than we needed to know.

Loriana: ^covers her face with her hands^ Please, let's just let him go.

^*^ Bah-HI!! ^*^

^ George disappears ^

Alanna: ^turns to Liam^ Now that he is gone, we can finally get back to where we were.

Liam: You're right. ^gets a puzzled look on his face^ Where were we?

Alanna: I don't know.

Arialyn: Ok, anyways, along with today's task.

Loriana: What is it? Please tell me. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaase?

Arialyn: Fine. ^ Arialyn whispers something in her co-host's ear ^

Loriana: ^her eyes widen^ Oh, this is good.

Arialyn: Yeah, it is. So, bring in the icing.

^ A vial hops in, balancing a giant cauldron ^

Loriana: ^watches the vial with a funny look on her face^ Um, what exactly is that?

Arialyn: Well, I was thinking about what you said about enslavement and decided it was a good idea. Of course, my version is a bit different.

Loriana: Anyways, I think we should probably begin.

Alanna: So, what are we doing?

Liam: Do not worry, love. Anything that we do together is sure to be very enjoyable.

Loriana: Don't worry, I am sure that you will enjoy this.

Arialyn: Yes, today, you get to smear chocolate icing on each other and lick it off.

Alanna: I think I like this already.

^ Liam grabs a spoon that suddenly appears ^

Alanna: Oh, forget the spoons. ^grabs Liam and jumps into the vat of icing^

^ Arialyn and Loriana watch as various pieces of clothing get thrown out ^

Loriana: Um, I hope you don't mind me asking, but why are there two pairs of lacy underwear?

^ Arialyn turns red and starts cracking up ^

@^@ A while later @^@

Alanna: You know, this icing doesn't taste too good.

Liam: Yeah, it tastes, odd.

Loriana: ^walks over to the cauldron^ Uhhh. ^makes a face and holds her nose^

Arialyn: What? ^walks over also^

^ Everyone sits and gags for a while ^

Liam: You know what? I don't think this is icing.

Alanna: Oh, Goddess! It's horse dung! Liam: How do you know?

Alanna: Taste it.

Loriana: And how would you know how horse dung tastes?

Alanna: Well, you know when Jonathon and I were together?

Arialyn: Yeah, what about it?

Alanna: Let's just say Jon had really odd sexual fantasies.

^ Everyone gags some more ^

Liam: You know what? I think it is horse dung!

Alanna: Oh, holy Mithros!

Arialyn: Does someone just have to say that once every show?

Alanna: I got horse dung underneath my nails! What will I do, I'm ruined.

^ Alanna starts sobbing and the cauldron begins to roll around ^

Loriana: Hey, watch out. You'll crash into the coconut.

^ The cauldron stops rolling in front of the coconut ^

Alanna: ^peeking out^ What happened? ^sees the coconut and screams^

Liam: ^sees the coconut also and starts running around the room flapping his legs^ Oh, I'm indestructible! I will fly!

^ Alanna hyperventilates, complaining about stringy things in a squeaky voice ^

Loriana: Ok, since none of today's contestants seem unable to accept the million gold nobles, they won't get any.

^*^ BLANK SCREEN ^*^

Liam: I can do anything! Watch me climb this mound of nothing. And then I will sing!

Arialyn: Ooook. That's all for today's episode of What Would You Do For A Million Gold Nobles? Tune in next time!  
  
  
  
ARIALYN'S RANDOM MORAL OF THE DAY- Never twirl around your room holding a piece of burning wood

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K, that's all. How u like it? I like it. I like many things. But most of all, I like reviews. No, actually, I like flames better. Oh, fire. Burn. Die. Anyways ^whacks Loriana with a dead trout^ your turn. But remember, I like fire. Want 2 get me a present? Get me a candle, or many candles, or lots of candles and a lighter. Or and eternal fire, or a ... 


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